#15 A Child's Intuition

I've been reading the 'Jesus Storybook Bible' with my son a few nights a week.  It's a sampler of well-known Bible stories, but it finishes every story off with a forward-looking message.  Always something to do with God's rescue plan and the Rescuer that would come to save us all.  So far I haven't said anything about who the Rescuer is and every time we read another story, my son expects that this time the story will reveal the identity of 'the Rescuer'.  After reading about Rachel and Leah and God's blessing on Leah, in that 'the Rescuer' would come from her family, we had this conversation:

Me:    "Oh, I wonder when the Rescuer is going to come.  It's taking a really long time."
Him:   "I know when he is going to come."
Me:    "When?"
Him:   "At Christmas.  And I think I know who the Rescuer is."
Me:    "Oh - who is it?"
Him:   "It's God."
Me:    "God's sending the Rescuer..."
Him:   "Yes."
Me:    "God's sending Himself as the Rescuer?"
Him:   "Yes.  God is the Rescuer."
Me:    "Hmm. {slackjawed}  Well I guess we'll have to wait and see."

#14 My Twenties

A lot happened in the last decade.  I went from dating a girl to marrying her to having 2 kids.  I finished school, then decided to become a teacher, then changed my mind to engineer, then back to teacher, then went back to school again.  I spent 8 summers landscaping.  I found a great job that I'm still doing.  I lived in Saskatchewan, Montreal and Gatineau.  From 'self-absorbed' to 'in love' to 'self-absorbed in love' to everything it is to be married to fatherhood.  From faith to doubt to doubting but seeking faith to faith with nagging doubts.  From being in great shape to getting lazy and back to getting in shape.  Everyone around me has changed, too.  It's been an amazing and tumultuous decade; one that saw me make all sorts of hard and important decisions; one that saw me laughing at how I'll never learn to stop saying "I'll never..."; one where I learned to be friends with my family and make more family out of friends.
I argue maybe 10% as much as I did.  I am never as angry as I used to be.  Anxious and mad are no longer my default moods.  I completely love being domesticized now.  But I still lack discipline or a real social life.  And what comes out of my mouth continues to be my greatest error.  And MXPX still makes me feel rebellious and young.  We change, we stay the same.
I'm thankful for the last 10 years, but I've gotta say I'm looking forward to my thirties.  I know we never stop 'becoming' ourselves, but it's nice to be comfortable with the notion of 'being' myself for awhile.  Happy Thanksgiving and goodbye twenties.

#13 Home

The cool waters and sandy beach lay steps from a comfortable cottage.  But after 1 day in our vacation spot, I started to worry about being there for 7 days.  Maybe I was bored, finding it hard to entertain small kids for so many hours, and having a hard time without AC during the hottest week of the summer.  But perhaps I was also missing the peace that comes with being at home, in your own space.  Within a few days, our daughter developed a fever and we decided to head home for a night of cool and comfortable sleep. Everyone seemed rather happy and relieved to be home.  It takes leaving a refuge to realize it is so.
Home is where the heart is.  I belong to this space and it belongs to me.  And of course, when the whole family is there, in their home, it feels full.  We'll go back for a few more days of fun in the sun, but to me it's never really a vacation if I'm not at home.

#12 Perspective

You've never got enough of it and it's not always there when you need it, but boy am I glad for what I do have.  Perspective.  Drawing towards the end of my 20s, I've got little life experience to draw on, but when you teach teenagers, it feels like a lot.  Getting past the self-congratulatory stage where you revel in having experienced something that someone else has not yet (condescending!) is a good step.  Now experience feels less like a gem in my crown and more like a tool in my belt.  

This 'journey into thankfulness' has been more fruitful than I truly expected.  A permanent change in one's outlook is hard to come, but I feel this is occurring.  Spending time with others that are miles ahead is helpful, but deciding to be an agent of change for those that aren't has also shifted my persona.  It's easy to change what's on the outside (our persona); as others come to expect those traits, though, we are drawn into the habit of fulfilling their expectations.  Our inner person begins to align with the new persona.  I've never truly bought into the 'inner change yields outer change' as a complete model of transformation.  The reverse is rings just as true.

The new, more thankful person, cares a bit less about the irritations and a bit more about the positives.  And this is a shift in perspective - not just a different angle, but probably a wider lens.  

#11 Babies falling asleep on you

Does this really bear explanation?  I will have a limited number of children - maybe 3 - and they are young enough to fall asleep on my chest for a short period.  So this is something that comes in short supply, thus increasing the enjoyment factor.  Everyone older always says - 'drink it in, you never really appreciate it when they're this young.'  I'm always a little bit insulted...I am drinking it in, I fully enjoy and do appreciate it. I am very thankful for my children and the moments I get with them, and I am thankful on a daily basis.  Perhaps those people were busier than I am right now.
Other people's babies falling asleep on you...nice, but not awesome.  Unless you are a single guy looking to impress some girl.  Even then, still not really as awesome.  

#10 Disappointment

There is a silver lining in every cloud, they say.  While despair is the unbearable absence of hope, disappointment is hope's much maligned partner.  Disappointment reveals our nature, our expectations, and our capacity for hope.  Each time a person leaves me dejected, I betray the love I have for them.  Behind every underachieving and underwhelming teenager is a hopeful and unreasonably loving parent (and teacher).
Logically, it seems flawed to continue to hope when life so reliably disappoints.  But seeing silver in the cloud is more than feckless naivety.  My faith teaches me to see the plan behind the cloud (the climate behind the weather, so to speak).  This is not only my story.  This is the story of all humanity.  Seeing a final hope to which all our unmet potential is striving elevates optimism to more than a salvo.
Hope does help us get through the day.  It is a crutch.  And that is one half of its purpose, unapologetically.  But hope is more far-sighted than that and disappointment is our constant reminder of the ability to acknowledge, grieve over, but ultimately see beyond the present circumstance.  

#9 Summer

Perhaps summer is the elephant in the room.  After all, as a teacher I have 8 weeks off and the weather is amazing - do I even need to say I'm thankful for that?  This is not only summer, this is the first summer I have not worked a 10-12 hour-a-day job since 2000.  In other words, it's the first summer I've actually enjoyed in 12 years.  Sat on my new front porch the other night and watched a rain storm.  Sat in the same spot the next night, staring at my oscillating sprinkler.  Glorious.

#8 Enthusiastic People

Kindergarten teachers.  Aerobics instructors.  Young Olympians.  Friendly waitresses.  No one can deny the infectious nature of a bubbly personality.  You want to be around these people, listen to what they have to say and you really want to see the world the way they seem to see it.  They make you want to be enthusiastic about something, whether it's the alphabet, fitness, or today's entree.  If this is not your nature (and it is not mine), these people are our rose-coloured glasses by proxy, as if we say silently to them, 'You see the sunny side; tell me - what do things look like over there?'  

#7 My Parents

Though we all have very different parents and there are certainly some extremely bad eggs, I think there are a number of shared experiences that resonate with most.  I am thankful for how weird parents are.  They are their weirdest during our teen years, of course, at our peak of self-absorption and egocentrism, believing the world is watching us and also judging us by the coolness of our family members.  More than that, I am thankful for their 'larger-than-life' personae.  That we adored them like that as toddlers is a given, but as the teens fade in to 20s and we have our own toddlers, we gain an appreciation for them as adults and for what they went through to parent us.  Again, this makes them seem superhuman, since it miraculously seems as though they still love us unconditionally.  I am thankful that by design, I am certain, God made us bond so strongly with our children that we could love them in this unique way.  Whether we are worried about weirdness or adoringly imitating them as heroes, they are an abiding centre and grounding force in our psyche precisely because of this big love that only parents are capable of.  Thank God (literally) for that human capacity.

#6 Waiting

This might seem like a strange thing to enjoy.  And honestly I do not always love waiting (waiting to hear a prognosis, for bills to come in the mail, for my students to hand in their assignments).  But anticipating Christmas, dessert at the end of the meal, a concert you've already bought tickets for, or the onslaught of house guests you expect later in the day are all 'good waitin'.  And today, after 9 months, I wait for my wife to go into labour with our second child.  This is exciting, scary and feels a little like limbo, but I know it brings something good.  Not sure the wife is as thankful for the waiting, but the outcome is way better than 7 Christmases and 1000 desserts combined.  Don't worry {in the voice of that guy on Adam Sandler movies}: "You can do it!"
29/07, Update: As I waited nearly an hour to be served in a place that normally takes 20 minutes, watching 3 tables that were seated after us eat their main course, I wondered how thankful I really am for waiting.  As my hungry and ready-to-nap toddler patiently sat for 50 minutes with a bite to eat, I was humbled and also thankful for his capacity to wait.  That others wait for us and with us is another thing to be grateful for.

#5 Free stuff

I don't have enough space to list all the gifts I've received.  And for those I am very grateful, but I refer to stuff that comes free that is not a gift.  Like the Rainbow vacuum, bedroom set, 2 double beds and garbage shed that were left behind at our new house.  You see, when you are so blessed with gifts that you even come to expect them, it takes 'free stuff' to really surprise you.  I'm still looking for the free lawnmower.
28/07, Update: Loving the free flowers my mom-in-law got out of the garbage at the grocery store and the morning glories climbing on my trellis (not only free, but a supposed 'weed' that I did not even plant).  I admire them at least 20 minutes a day.

#4 Western exposure

This is not a reference to my prairie upbringing, but coincidentally, I have not experienced regular quality sunsets since 2004 when I lived in Saskatchewan.  Unfortunately there are still some distant trees obstructing my full view of the sky, but I am thankful for the 90% now visible through a west-facing bay window in my new home.  I am not an artist by any stroke of the imagination, but I recently tried to paint a background scene for my son's train set.  I made a palette out of some old flooring and tried mixing colours and creating shadows.  I felt pretty proud until I saw the sunset...I guess I'll leave the art to the Artist.  Some crazy parallel cirrus clouds from the horizon up, each layer a different colour and each cloud with a perfect blend of light and shadow.  Thanks for the sunset and my new vantage point - this is a bonus at the end of the day.  Plus, it makes the wife happy.

#3 Policemen

Even when you don't see them, you know their existence is the only thing keeping your Honda in the driveway.  Those who know me as a 'rules-y' person would not be shocked to hear this.  Those who know me as a worrywart would be even less surprised.  But consider the state of life for those in places where policing is either corrupt or insufficient.  Bribes.  Feuds.  Gangs.  Even terrorism.  I'm thankful that I live in a society that welcomes a strong police presence.  Even more, I am shocked that people voluntarily take that as a profession.  
Don't get me wrong - my heart skips a beat when I see the cherries in my rear-view mirror.  I'm as appalled as anyone about the police brutality cases in the news lately.  I believe we are appalled precisely because we expect and trust that the police will be upstanding, above reproach, and constantly in service to our society. If it weren't generally so, we would be sorely mistaken to expect it.  
I'm a big fan of relegating the use or threat of force to maintain security to the professionals.  I do await a day when we can truly live in peace without police (marana tha!) but I am also very thankful for the peace we enjoy in Canada today due, in part, to the police.

#2 Sharing the same repertoire of pop culture knowledge with my wife

Only one person can understand the sideways comments, noises and general nonsense that comes out of my mouth in any given situation: my wife.  And this is because only she shares the same unique blend of cultural knowledge I do.  Aside from the fact that we've spent the last 10 years together (and that's college, university and a whole lot of Seinfeld and The Office), we had a similar upbringing, listening to the same obscure Christian bands and the same Baptist preaching.  If you can immediately identify the source of "Just a loop and some lyrics", "Shwety" and  "I'm losing it, Jerry" you are 1% there.  Knowing just what to say and when is a remarkably rare skill.  Sharing this with one person year after year only hones that skill further.  I foresee a day when we can have a lengthy conversation entirely in code.  It will be shwety.

#1: Going to the hardware store with my son

This is not one of those everyday, recreate-able moments.  It's a surreal 'Hey I remember this from about 20 years ago' feeling.  Some may find it odd to constantly be aware that you are in the midst of a Kodak moment - that level of self-awareness must distract from just experiencing life.  Perhaps.  But for me, the alternative is to see everything as a task to be accomplished and worried about, which is why I need a paradigm shift.  So I see this as a cliched moment with father and son - and that is a good thing.
On a selfish level, anytime a 2-year old sits still for 90 minutes is a gift from the heavens.  But the fact that both he and I were equally enthralled with garbage cans, switchplate covers, and gyprock was a male bonding moment.  To see him wide-eyed, taking in 40-foot shelves of paint is perhaps one of the most commonly appreciated human moments.  Watching children discover the world tugs at the same part of our psyche that loves the very first Spiderman and Matrix precisely because we are watching someone discover something.  Even when my son did recognize some tools, he wanted them as if they were toys.  And I guess tools are toys for men.
Thanks for the ambience, RONA Building Centre.  My son and I are waiting for the endorsement deal.